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So, erotic-massage—think slow hands, oils slicker than Thor’s hammer swing, and vibes so mellow you’re floatin’. I reckon it’s like that bit in *Lost in Translation*—y’know, “The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.” That’s the buzz, right? You’re lyin’ there, some stranger’s palms kneadin’ ya, and bam—stress just melts off like wax. I got into it once, pure curiosity—burdened with glorious purpose to *feel* somethin’ wild. And mate, it’s no joke—those masseuses? Pros. They know spots you didn’t even know ya had!

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As I was munchin’, I overheard this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. They were fighting about... wait for it... who left the cap off the toothpaste! I mean, really? That’s what you’re fighting about? I almost choked on my borscht. I wanted to jump in and be like, “Yo, it’s just toothpaste! Chill!”

A consecration at Russian Orthodox church