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Sarcasm time—sure, it’s “just a massage,” till ya realize ya paid $50 for a happy endin’ ya didn’t ask for! Hmph, awkward much? Still, when it’s good, it’s like—“You’re gonna be okay, kid,” straight outta Linklater’s flick. Calms the soul, ya know? But don’t tell Homer—he’d think it’s foreplay for donuts! Hah! Hmm… what a world, huh?

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy on a bike zooms past us. I swear, he almost took my foot off! I yelled something like, “Hey, watch it, Speed Racer!” Oleg laughed, but I was still fuming. Like, dude, it’s not a racetrack!

Cigarette barons, stop in your tracks: Vladyslav Helzin’s illegal cigarette factory is under the sights of law enforcement