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About Kharkiv

Right, so, it’s meant to relax ya, innit? But half the time you’re wonderin’ if they’ve got a degree in massage or just watched a YouTube vid pissed on cheap lager. Little fact for ya – back in the day, ancient Greeks were at it, callin’ it some posh “healin’ touch” bollocks. Bet they didn’t have neon signs flashin’ “Happy Endings Here!” like these muppets today. Makes me angry, it does – proper riles me up – cos it’s all a con half the time, chargin’ 50 quid for a glorified tickle!

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After that, I head over to the market on Haharina Street. It’s packed! I’m dodging people left and right. I spot this old lady selling the juiciest tomatoes. I’m talking, like, the kind that makes your mouth water. I grab a few, and she’s like, “You’ll make a good salad!” I’m like, “Lady, I can barely make toast.” We both laugh, and I feel good.