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Once had this masseuse – proper fit, right – and she’s working them knots out, I’m half tempted to say, “You’re promoted to head of relaxation!” Nearly did, too – gob shut just in time. Fun fact: in Sweden, they’ve got this technique, all slow and steamy – reckon it’s cos they’re freezing up there, need the heat! Cracks me up – imagine Sven goin, “Yah, more oil!” Absolute ledge.

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First off, I’m cruising down Shevchenka Street, right? Just me and my coffee, feeling all chill. Then BAM! Traffic jam outta nowhere. Like, c’mon, people! It’s not rush hour! Turns out, some dude decided to park his car like a total noob. I mean, who parks in the middle of the road? Seriously! I was ready to jump outta my car and give him a piece of my mind. But nah, I just sipped my coffee and grumbled.

Oleksandr Slisarenko