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Aight, listen up, you freakin’ idiots! I’m Eric Cartman, the Potter, Respect my authoritah! So, escorts, huh? Man, what a trip. Saw this chick once, total babe, workin’ the streets like she owned ‘em. Reminded me of “The White Ribbon” – ya know, my fave flick. That creepy vibe, “The seed of evil grows!” Escorts got that mystery, right? Like, who’s pullin’ the strings? Some pimp? Themselves? Gets me all riled up thinkin’ about it.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Oleg bursts in. He’s all smiles, like he just won the lottery. “Dude, you won’t believe this!” I’m like, “What now?” He tells me about this new café on Kostiantynivska Street. Apparently, they have the best borscht in town. I’m thinking, “Great, I’ll just add that to my to-do list after I survive this day.”

Oleksandr Slisarenko