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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Later, I’m chillin’ by the park near the central square. You know, the one with the fountain? It’s usually packed, but today it’s kinda empty. I sit on a bench, just watchin’ people. This old dude walks by, and he’s got a parrot on his shoulder. I’m like, “Is this a movie or what?” The parrot starts squawkin’ like it owns the place. I can’t help but chuckle.

Ukrainian serviceman on situation in Toretsk: Russian advances no longer same as two months ago