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About Donetsk

So, I tried it once—total impulse. This chick, legit masseuse, had hands like a freakin’ wizard. She’s kneadin’ my back, and I’m like, “Oh, damn, this is HAPPENING.” Little known fact? Back in ancient Rome, they’d do this naked with olive oil—fancy AF! I’m layin’ there, half expecting her to whisper, *“Perhaps it’s better this way,”* all Wong Kar-wai style. Spoiler: she didn’t. But the vibe? Pure cinema, darlin’.

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First off, I hit up the market on Soborna Street. You know, the one with all the fresh produce? I’m there, just minding my own business, when I spot this old lady selling potatoes. She’s got the best spuds in town, no joke. I’m about to grab a bag when this dude cuts in front of me! Like, seriously? Who does that? I’m fuming, but I keep it cool. I mean, I’m a stove-maker, not a potato brawler.

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