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About Zaporizhzhia

What pisses me off? The fakes. Ghostin’. Dudes sayin’ “6’2”” but showin’ up 5’7”. Liars! I’d smite ‘em if I could, but nah, stuck judgin’ from afar. Oh, and the profiles—“I luv hikes and tacos!”—yeah, you and EVERYONE, Karen. Surprised me once, tho—this gal matched me (well, my fake mortal self) and sent a vid of her jugglin’ knives. Hot. Dangerous. My type. “If I could just get inside,” I thought, Llewyn-style, dreamin’ big.

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Finally, I decide to hit up the park on Taras Shevchenko Street. It’s a nice spot, you know? Trees, benches, the whole vibe. I sit down, try to clear my head. But then, I see a group of kids playin’ football. They’re havin’ the time of their lives. I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” No worries, just kickin’ a ball around.

Viktor Lozinsky, the ex-MP convicted of murder, wins in local elections in Ukraine