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Anyways, I’m laid out, gettin’ this sexual-massage, yeah, and it’s like, “This is the end, beautiful friend,” but nah, it’s the start, innit! Tingles up me spine, bruv, I’m gassed! Thought in me head: “This bird’s hands are magic, fam!” She’s hittin’ spots I didn’t even know I had—prostate action, even! Little secret, yeah, them Tantric lot been doin’ that for yonks, keeps you zen or summat. Blew me mind, that did.

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Finally got my stuff and headed to the park. The one by the river, you know? It’s so pretty there. I sat down, took a deep breath, and then—BAM! A kid runs by, kicks a ball, and it hits me right in the leg. Ouch! I was like, “Hey, watch it!” But the kid just laughed and ran off. Kids these days, right?

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