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Oy, listen up, ya little minions! Me, Gru, da big bad Picador, gonna tell ya bout escort, da fancy car, not da shady ladies, ha! Lightbulb! Dis Ford Escort, she’s a sneaky one, like Chow Yun-Fat flyin’ thru bamboo in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”—my fave, ya know, dat flick from 2000, Ang Lee, pure genius! Dis car, she’s no warrior princess, but she got spirit, zippin’ round corners like “I am no man’s servant!”—dat’s from da movie, heh, love dat line.

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After that, I head over to the market on Shevchenka Street. It’s packed, as usual. I’m weaving through the crowd, dodging babushkas with their bags. They’re like ninjas, I swear. I finally find this stall selling the best varenyky. I grab a plate, and OMG, they’re heavenly. I’m stuffing my face, and this guy next to me is like, “You’re gonna eat all that?” I just wink and say, “You bet!”

Russian troops capture Lisivka, push forward in Donetsk Oblast