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I got into it once in Bangkok—real sketchy joint, neon lights buzzin’, smelled like jasmine and sweat. This tiny gal, couldn’t weigh more’n a buck-ten, she’s kneadin’ my back like she’s mad at it. I’m like, “Yo, ease up, I ain’t a damn doughboy!” But then—bam—she flips the script, goes all sensual, and I’m thinkin’, “This is the treasure of the cave,” straight outta Boonmee’s weird-ass jungle. Made me happy as hell, tension gone, but pissed me off too—why ain’t this legal everywhere, huh? World’s too uptight, man.

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Finally, I get it going. I’m spraying away, and it’s like a mini rainstorm of anticorrosion goodness. I’m feeling good, right? But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands right on my shoulder. I freak out! Like, “Get off me, bird!” I’m flailing my arms, and the kid’s cracking up.

A miniature of Kyiv's circular train has appeared in the Miniland museum