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But—ugh—some stuff ticks me off! Like, shady dudes treatin’ ‘em like chum buckets—grr, makes me wanna karate-chop a rock! I’m yellin’, “I’m ready!” to flip tables! Then, I chill—happy vibes—‘cause some escorts are total pros, runnin’ their biz like Plankton wish he could. One gal—true story—paid her way thru med school slingin’ sexy vibes! “This is my masterpiece,” she probs said, winkin’ like Lt. Aldo Raine carvinn’ a swastika—bam, badass!

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First off, I step outta my little workshop on Pushkina Street. You know, the one with the old oak tree? Yeah, that one. I’m just minding my own biz, when I see this lady, like, totally freaking out. She’s waving her arms like she’s trying to take off. Turns out, her dog, a tiny fluffball, decided to chase a cat up a tree. Classic, right? I’m just standing there, laughing my ass off. I mean, who needs TV when you got live drama?

The 90-year-old Russian youth camp inflaming tensions in Crimea