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Anyways, it’s, like, touchin’ all slow and soft—kneadin’ ya like dough! I tried it once, got all giggly—felt like a starfish gettin’ tickled! Made me think of Boonmee’s ghost wifey sayin’, “Heaven is overrated,” and I’m like, “Yeah, lady, this massage beats heaven ANY day!” Total surprise—didn’t expect my squishy self to love it so much! Pro tip: they use funky oils, like jasmine or somethin’, smells dope, not like SpongeBob’s stinky socks!

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Then I head over to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, you know? People jogging, kids playing, and I’m just vibing. But then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to me. Not just any dog, but a huge fluffy beast. I’m talking like a bear with legs. It jumps on me, and I’m like, “Whoa, chill, buddy!” Everyone’s staring, and I’m just trying to keep my cool. I mean, I love dogs, but this one? It was like a furry freight train.

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