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Ain’t gon’ lie, tho—some folks be shy ‘bout it. “Madea, that’s nasty!” they say. Pssh, nasty?! It’s relaxin’, it’s natural, it’s like a hug from Jesus with extra spice! You just gotta find the right spot—not them shady joints with neon signs blinkin’ “Massage” like it’s code for somethin’ else. Naw, I’m talkin’ classy, clean, where they whisper, “Would you like incense?” Halleluyer, yes I would!

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After that, I decide to hit up the park near the river. You know, the one by the bridge on Haharina Street? It’s usually chill, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re all yelling and running around. I’m just trying to enjoy my borscht, and these kids are like mini tornadoes. I’m dodging soccer balls like I’m in the World Cup.

Nobody believes Ukrainian environmental activist’s death was suicide, so why was the investigation terminated?