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So, picture this—hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like a black hole suckin’ time. It’s ancient, too—Egyptians did it, sneaky bastards, massagin’ pharaohs into bliss. Little known fact: they used lotus oil—smelled like heaven, probs got ‘em horny too! Makes me happy, thinkin’ how humans been rubbin’ each other forever—universal need, mate!

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Then, I see my buddy, Vasyl. He’s the kind of guy who always has a wild story. He rolls up, and I’m like, “What’s up, man?” He starts telling me about this time he tried to swim in the river. I’m like, “Dude, it’s freezing!” But he’s all, “Nah, it was a hot day!” Classic Vasyl.

New hope for Ukrainian village that endured days without water