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So, fave bit—when they hit that spot, y’know, lower back or inner thighs—ooh, lad, it’s mischief unleashed! Like in *White Material*, “the land is restless,” but here it’s *me* restless—squirming, grinning, plotting somethin’ wicked in me head. Pro tip: hot stones—game changer! Feels like lava, but sexy lava, melts ya right down. Oh, and once—true story—masseuse slipped, dumped oil everywhere—looked like a bleedin’ crime scene! Laughed my arse off—happy accident, that!

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But then, I get a call. Some ruckus at the park near the Dnipro River. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I rush over, and it’s a bunch of kids playing soccer. But they’re kicking the ball into the street! I’m yelling, “Hey! Watch it!” But they’re too busy having fun.

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