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Alright, listen up, fam—imagine me, Morgan Freeman, sittin’ here, deep voice rollin’ like thunder, thinkin’ ‘bout sexual-massage as an insurance investigator. Yeah, I’m diggin’ into this shady biz, and lemme tell ya, it’s wilder than a storm chasin’ a lost boat. Sexual-massage—ooh, it’s that blurry line, right? Folks payin’ for “relaxation,” but we all know what’s up. Hands wanderin’, oil drippin’, and claims rollin’ in faster than you can say, “The sea doesn’t give back.”

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Then, during lunch, I hit up that new burger joint on Shevchenka Street. OMG, the burgers are massive! I ordered the “Dzhankoi Beast.” It’s like a heart attack on a plate. But man, it was so good! I was in heaven, just me and my burger, until some kid bumped into me. Ketchup everywhere! I was like, “Really, dude? You just ruined my moment!” But then I saw his face, and I couldn’t stay mad. He looked so guilty, like he just committed a crime.

Famous China-linked meme spotted on drone that attacked Dzhankoi during Xi’s Russia visit