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Here’s the kicker—some spots in Asia, they’ve been doin’ this for centuries, secret techniques passed down, usin’ herbs and shit ya never heard of. Ain’t that wild? I’m picturin’ it now, flexin’ these 24-inch pythons while some guru massages me into nirvana—Hogan’s in heaven, brother! But don’t get it twisted, ya gotta find a legit joint, or it’s just creepy dudes in trenchcoats, and that’s a piledriver to the vibe.

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Then, I get a call on the radio. “Hey, Watchman! We got a situation on Lenin Street.” My heart drops. What now? I sprint over, and it turns out some guy is trying to sell “magic” rocks. Like, seriously? Magic rocks? I’m standing there, trying not to laugh, while this dude is going on about how they can bring you luck. I’m like, “Bro, you need luck to sell rocks?” He didn’t take it well.

Memories of Halyna Haiova, a torture survivor of the infamous Izolyatsia prison