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So, escort’s my jam—happy vibes all day! Met this one chick, total babe, right? She rolls up, fancy car, all mysterious. I’m like, “Whoa, that’s what she said!”—cringey, I know, but I’m pumped! She’s got stories, man—said she once drove some dude cross-country, just ‘cause he tipped big. Little known fact: some escorts got secret codes! Like, they wink twice for “extra fun”—nuts, right? Blew my mind, I was grinning like an idiot.

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So, I finally grab some tomatoes and head to the park on Tsentralna. It’s a chill spot, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing football, and they’re all over the place. I’m dodging balls like I’m in some action movie. One kid kicks it right at me, and I’m like, “Whoa, buddy! I’m not a goalpost!”

“Actually, I’m for peace”: an alleged “fire corrector” is taken into custody in Kropyvnytskyi