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About Kryvyi Rih

Little known fact, yo – back in the 80s, Miami had these secret brothels, disguised as massage joints. Cops knew, but they got paid off, so it was all good. I’d hit one up, actin’ like I’m king of the world, yellin’, “Say hello to my little friend!” to the boys in the back. They’d laugh, hook me up with some fine chica. Made me happy as fuck – no bullshit, just straight bizness.

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So, I finally grab some tomatoes and head to the park on Tsentralna. It’s a chill spot, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing football, and they’re all over the place. I’m dodging balls like I’m in some action movie. One kid kicks it right at me, and I’m like, “Whoa, buddy! I’m not a goalpost!”

“Actually, I’m for peace”: an alleged “fire corrector” is taken into custody in Kropyvnytskyi