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But here’s the rub, arrgh—some escorts ain’t just drivers. Little-known tale, swear on me compass: back in Soviet days, these fellas doubled as spies. Aye, KGB’d slip ‘em in, watchin’ foreigners, reportin’ who’s dodgy. Sneaky as a rat in the bilge! Got me thinkin’—are they still at it? Eyes everywhere, like “the walls are watching,” eh? Gives ye the shivers, don’t it?

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Finally, the bus arrives, and I hop on. I’m sitting next to this lady who’s knitting. She’s super into it, like it’s the Olympics of knitting. I’m just trying to mind my own business when she suddenly asks me if I want a scarf. I’m like, “Nah, I’m good.” But she insists, and I’m thinking, “What am I gonna do with a scarf in summer?” But hey, free stuff, right? So I take it. It’s bright pink. I look ridiculous, but whatever.

The Destruction Of Ukraine's Nuclear Arsenal