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So, fave movie’s *Certified Copy*—ya know, that artsy flick where nobody’s who they say they are? Sex-dating’s the same damn deal! You meet some dude online, all “I’m a poet,” but he’s just a plumber with a thesaurus. “Every copy’s an original,” Kiarostami says—ha! Tell that to the chick I matched with who sent me 12 nudes that weren’t even hers! Stole ‘em off some porn site, lazy as hell. Made me mad as a hornet—wasted my damn time!

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, you know? The Dniester River flows through here, and it’s kinda pretty. I sit on a bench, munching on a pastry from that bakery on Haharina Street. Best pastries ever, no cap. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, and I swear he’s got a kite that’s bigger than him! He trips, and the kite goes flying into a tree. I’m dying laughing, but the kid’s crying. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a kite!” But I get it, kites are serious business.

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