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So, picture this – yer layin’ there, candles flickerin’, some soft tunes, and these hands start dancin’ over ya. It’s like magic, but naughtier. I reckon it’s better than any spell I’ve cast – and I’ve cast plenty! Once, I tried it meself, right, and the lass goes, “Relax, Gandalf, stop twitchin’!” Made me laugh – me, twitchin’? “This is my scalp-tinglin’ masterpiece!” I shouted, quotin’ Tarantino’s finest. She rolled her eyes, but damn, it felt good. Surprised me how quick I melted – like butter on a hot blade.

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Finally, I head to that little bistro on the corner of Lvivska Street. You know, the one with the best borscht? I order a bowl, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. Seriously, if you haven’t tried it, you’re missing out. But then, the waiter spills some on my shirt. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a walking borscht ad.”

Far from the front lines, Ukrainians fight a war to preserve their culture