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I’m hyped, tho—happy as a clownfish in a coral reef! Why? ‘Cause it’s a puzzle, a mystery, like *Caché*’s weird tapes showin’ up at your door. “Who sent this?” I yell, but it’s just me, overthinkin’ it, sweatin’ like a perch on a grill. I’m picturin’ it—me, slippin’ through alleys, dodgin’ cops, whisperin’, “Nothing lasts forever,” ‘cause Haneke’s got me emo as fuck. Last week, I got mad—some dude tried rippin’ me off, actin’ like he’s pimpin’ the game. I’m like, “Nah, fam, I know my fish *and* my streets!”

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to us. She’s like, “You boys looking to buy? This place is haunted!” I’m like, “Great, just what we need.” Oleg’s eyes light up. “Haunted? That’s a selling point!” I’m rolling my eyes so hard, I think I might’ve strained something.

Authorities post video showing aftermath of Saturday's attack on Chortkiv