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Me, I’m sat here, sipping tea, thinking—cor, what a lark! Loved it when I first heard—massage with a *happy ending*, they call it. Made me spit me tea, I swear! Like in *Wolf of Wall Street*, when Leo’s chucking cash at strippers, shouting, “The real question is this: was all this legal? Absolutely fuckin’ not!”—same energy, mate. Sexual-massage ain’t exactly vicar-approved, is it? Dodgy parlours, coppers sniffing about—bit thrilling, bit daft.

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Finally, I get to the office. My boss, Oleg, is already in a mood. He’s pacing around like a caged lion. Turns out, our biggest client is freaking out about some tax stuff. I mean, it’s tax season, people! Get it together!

Ukrainian intelligence strikes Russian speedboat in Crimea with Magura V5 drone, sources say