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About Mykolaiv

This one time, saw a profile: “NSA fun, 6’2, abs”—showed up, 5’9, beer gut! “Be invisible like me,” he says—bro, I SAW you! Total letdown, made me wanna hammer-fist somethin’. But then—met this chick, sex-dating queen, told me she keeps a spreadsheet—dates, ratings, positions! Freaky genius, I was shook—happy as hell, stole that idea quick!

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Then, I hit up the market near the central square. Oh man, the smells! Fresh bread, fruits, and that one vendor with the best varenyky. I swear, I could live off those things. But then, I see this old dude arguing with the vendor. He’s all like, “I told you, no onions!” And the vendor’s like, “But they’re the best part!” Classic Chornobaivka drama, right? I’m just standing there, munching on my varenyky, trying not to laugh.

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