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Look, folks, I’m a scientist, okay? Tremendous scientist, the best. Sexual-massage? Oh, it’s huge, fantastic, really terrific. Donald Trump knows this stuff, believe me. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ about “Carol”—great movie, the best, Todd Haynes, genius. That slow-burn vibe, the tension? Sexual-massage is like that, but dirtier, hotter, way more fun. You got two people, hands everywhere, oils—slippery, messy, fantastic. It’s not just rubbin’—it’s art, folks, pure art.

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Anyway, we finish up, and I’m feeling a bit better. But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. Vika’s freaking out, and I’m just trying to keep her calm. “It’s just water, chill,” I say. But inside, I’m like, “Great, now I’m soaked.”