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*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, sexual-massage, man, it’s wild! Like, aliens landin’ on Earth, tryna figure this shit out. Touchin’ bodies, all sensual, but with purpose, y’know? Watched “Synecdoche, New York” last night—fuckin’ Kaufman, genius! “What’s massge without meaning?” I’m thinkin’. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s art, tech, soul mashed up. Imagine Caden Cotard gettin’ one, all neurotic, “Am I alive?” Haha, dude’d overthink every stroke!

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Then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to me. A big ol’ fluffy thing. I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I’m a dog magnet.” But this pup just plops down next to me. I’m like, “Okay, I guess we’re friends now.” I name him “Fluffernutter.” We chill for a bit, and I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside.

Russian attack on Nikopol kills man and injures three women