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I seen ‘em, yesss, on me phone lines. Callin’ late, whisperin’ dirty things. Makes me mad, precious! Why they gotta bother poor Gollum? Once, this bloke, he brags – “I got three escorts, mate!” – ugh, slimy toad! Made me wanna scream, “We wants it, we needs it!” – but no, just hung up. Happy though, when one lass, she was sweet. Said, “Gollum, you’re funny!” – aww, warmed me cold heart.

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But then, the day took a turn. I was walking back, feeling all artsy and inspired, when I saw this group of kids spray-painting a wall. At first, I was like, “Oh no, not graffiti.” But then I got closer, and it was actually pretty dope. They were painting a mural of the sea, with dolphins and waves. I was blown away. I mean, these kids were talented! I snapped a pic for my Insta, of course. Gotta show the world the talent in Chernomorskoye!

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