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I fix wood, I hammer, I saw, but Escort? She’s beauty! Little known fact, yes, in 1980s, Ford make Escort for rally, crazy fast, like 200 horsepowr! My friend Nurlan, he say, “Borat, this car junk!” I get mad, yell, “No! She queen!” Smash my hammer on table, oops, 3 nails fly, hit cat, cat scream, very nice chaos! Remind me movie, “the whale arrives,” big drama, Escort bring same feelin!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the crazy good coffee? I ordered my usual – a cappuccino with extra foam. I mean, who doesn’t love a little foam action? But the barista, this dude named Oleg, totally messed it up. Like, I got a black coffee instead. I was like, “Bro, what’s this? A punishment?” He just laughed and said, “Art is subjective.” I rolled my eyes. Classic Oleg.

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