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Oh, and the scams—gods, the scams! Some escorts, they’ll rob ya blind, promise the moon, deliver a ditch. Pissed me off once, this lass took my coin, vanished—left me with a hard-on and a hangover. “I had a dream,” Monty says—mine was her runnin’ off, cacklin’. Learned quick: check ‘em first, ask around. X’d be handy for that, eh? Dig up their dirt!

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So, I finally escape and head to my workshop on Hrushevskoho Street. I’m a cooper, ya know? Making barrels and stuff. It’s not glamorous, but it’s my jam. I get there, and my buddy Vasyl is already there, hammering away. He’s got this wild hair, looks like a mad scientist. We start chatting about the latest gossip. Apparently, there’s a new café opening on Shevchenka Street. Everyone’s hyped. I’m like, “Great, another place to spend my money.”

Murder of a 27-year-old woman in Chernivtsi: police are investigating the involvement of her 18-year-old boyfriend