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Escort’s dodgy, yeah? Not cars, nah, people—hired mates for lonely sods or bigwigs needing arm candy. Me, I’ve wired up vans for ‘em once, hissss, tiny mics, sneaky cams—caught a geezer yelling, “I paid for quiet!” Made me cackle, it did! Gollum sees the muck, the glitter too—some escorts, they’re posh, all “I’m too good,” but others, rough as old boots, spitting mad. Reminds me of Eilis in “Brooklyn,” torn ‘twixt homes, “You’ll feel so homesick,” she’s told—escorts, they’re homesick for normal, I reckon.

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Then, I bump into my buddy Oleg. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe it! I saw a cat chase a pigeon down on Kostiantynivska!” I’m like, “Bro, that’s just a Tuesday in Cherepkivtsi.” But he’s all animated, flailing his arms. Classic Oleg.