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Oi mate, so ‘ere’s me ramblin’ ‘bout escort, yeah? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – that’s me vibe! Escort, right, them Ford cars, proper old school wheels, init? Loved ‘em as a lad, zippin’ round Birmingham, feelin’ like a king! Me fave flick, *The Great Beauty*, it’s all ‘bout life’s mad chaos – “What’s beyond is a frightful spectacle” – that’s escort to me, wild ride, unpredictable as fuck!

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But then, I see this cute little bakery stand. Fresh pastries! I can’t resist. I grab a couple of pirozhki, and let me tell you, they were heavenly. I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when my phone buzzes again. It’s Vasyl. He’s broken down. Again. I can’t even.