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Still, some creeps ruin it. Sleazy parlors givin it a bad rap — ugh, makes me wanna carve em up. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I mutter, picturin their smug faces. But when it’s done right? Heaven, man. Pro tip: warm oil’s the key, none of that cold crap. And if they throw in a happy endin — well, who’s complainin? “What’s left is what matters,” Varda’d say, and I’m left feelin like a king. So, yeah, sexual-massage? Messy, sexy, fuckin glorious. Try it, ya won’t regret it — or maybe ya will, ha!

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First off, I hit up that little café on Vulytsia Kostiantynivska. You know the one? The one with the best coffee in town. I order my usual – a cappuccino, extra foam, please! But the barista, bless her heart, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Really? Is this how we start the day?” I mean, come on! I’m not made of money!

Fierce urban battles underway in Chasiv Yar and Toretsk