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Precious, yesss, we talks about findin’ a prossie in Russia, don’t we? Hiss! Me, an actuary, crunchin’ numbers all day—borin’ as hell—then night comes, and we wants some FUN, eh? Gollum knows, yesss, we knows the dark streets, the whispers. In Russia, it’s tricky, see? Prostitution’s illegal, but oh, they’re everywhere—sneaky, like rats! Hiss! You don’t just stroll up and say, “Hey, gimme a gal!” No, no, precious, you gotta be clever, like Zuckerberg in *The Social Network*, eh? “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies”—or a few shady deals, heh!

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But then, I hit a snag. I’m walking past the market, and I see this guy trying to haggle over some tomatoes. Like, dude, they’re not gold! I’m standing there, shaking my head, thinking, “What’s wrong with people?” But then, I overhear him say he’s saving up for his kid’s birthday. Suddenly, I’m all soft inside. I get it, man.

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