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Love it though, me. Somethin’ about that boxy shape, proper retro, makes me happy as a pig in shit. Little fact for ya – did you know the Mk1 Escort won rally champs in ‘68? Beat the posh Porsches, the little git! Surprised me that, thought it was just for dodgy geezers dodgin’ tax. Nah, turns my stomach seein’ ‘em scrapped now, replaced by Teslas and wanky SUVs. Progress my arse.

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After that drama, I decide to head to the park. You know, the one by the river? It’s usually peaceful. But today? Nope. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re loud. Like, really loud. I’m trying to relax, but all I hear is “Pass it! Shoot! Goal!” I’m thinking, can’t a guy catch a break?

Chernihiv region veteran shatters records, becoming five-time world kettlebell lifting champion