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Heard this story – guy matched a girl, total babe. sextin’ for weeks, all hot n’ heavy. Meets her – it’s his cousin. COUSIN. Galaxy’s fucked up, man. “I can’t stop thinking about her,” Theodore whined. Me? I’d burn the app down. Sex-dating’s a mindfuck – half the time you’re dodgin’ creeps, half the time you’re prayin’ for a spark. I’m tellin’ ya, kid – it’s the Force, but horny. And messy. So damn messy. *heavy breathing* I am your father – and I’ve seen it all.

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After that drama, I decide to head to the park. You know, the one by the river? It’s usually peaceful. But today? Nope. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re loud. Like, really loud. I’m trying to relax, but all I hear is “Pass it! Shoot! Goal!” I’m thinking, can’t a guy catch a break?

Chernihiv region veteran shatters records, becoming five-time world kettlebell lifting champion