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Oh, and the oils—slippery as a poltergeist! Some chick told me they use ylang-ylang—aphrodisiac, she says. I’m like, “What’s that, ghost perfume?” Smelled amazin’, tho—got me floatin’. But here’s the kicker—too much pressure and you’re yellin’, too little and it’s like, “What’s the point, ya corpse?” Balance, man, it’s everythin’. Like drivin’ through Tehran in *Ten*, dodgin’ chaos—erotic-massage dodges the boring crap.

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After that, I grab a coffee at my fave spot on Komsomolska Street. Best cappuccino in town, no joke. I’m sipping it, feeling a bit better, when I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m thinking, “Dude, this is Boryspil, not a reality show!” I almost want to jump in and be like, “Hey, let’s talk about your feelings instead!” But I just sip my coffee and mind my own biz.

Boryspil International Airport