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About Kryvyi Rih

So, picture this—I’m in some shady joint, right? Dim lights, smells like lavender and sin. This chick, she’s got hands like a goddamn artist, kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “Greed is good, Gordon, take it all!” It’s not just rubbin’—it’s a fuckin’ ritual, ancient as hell. Did ya know? Back in the day, Chinese emperors got this shit to “balance their chi”? Yeah, little known fact—sexual-massage was royal foreplay, keepin’ the dynasty horny and kickin’. Surprised me, blew my mind, made me wanna high-five history.

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After breakfast, I decide to stroll down to the park on Shkilna Street. It’s a nice day, sun’s shining, birds are chirping. I’m feeling good, you know? But then, I see this group of kids playing football. They’re all over the place, and one of them kicks the ball right at me! I dodge it like a ninja, but then I trip over my own feet. Classic move, right? The kids laugh, and I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!” But inside, I’m dying of embarrassment.

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