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Sarcasm? Oh, I got plenty— “Wow, another dick pic, so original.” Makes me wanna claw my eyes out. But the quirks? I’m picky—hate bad texters. “Wyd” every 5 mins? Piss off! Best part of sex-dating’s the stories—tellin’ mates over a pint how I dodged a stage-5 clinger. “You’re my destiny,” she says—bitch, I’m just here for a shag!

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So, I start cleanin’ up, and I find this old piece of wood. It’s got character, ya know? I’m thinkin’ I could make somethin’ cool outta it. But then, bam! My buddy Oleg shows up. He’s like, “Yo, let’s hit the market!” I’m like, “Dude, I got work!” But he’s persistent. Oleg’s got this charm, like a stray cat that won’t leave you alone.

Bohuslav Martinu's Memorial to Lidice: Remembering a Czech Town Obliterated by the Nazis