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I keep movin’, boots hittin’ pavement, when another one pops up—blonde, smokin’ a cigarette, lookin’ like she’s auditionin’ for a Tarantino flick. “You look lonely, sugar,” she says. Lonely? I’m happier than a pig in mud alone, ya harpy. “I’m gonna scalp ya if ya don’t scram,” I mutter, channelin’ Aldo. She blinks, confused. Good. Hate when they don’t get it. Did ya know, in old France, they branded prostitutes with a fleur-de-lis? Marked ‘em like cattle. Brutal, but kinda badass.

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But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands on my shoulder. Like, what the heck? I’m not a bird whisperer! I freaked out, flailing my arms like a maniac. Everyone around was laughing. I mean, come on! I’m just trying to enjoy my day!

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