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Favorite movie vibes? *A Serious Man*—Larry’s wife ditchin’ him for Sy Ableman? That’s sex-dating gone wrong, fam. “Look at what’s been done to me!”—that’s me yellin’ when some dude on Scruff says he’s “discreet” but shows up in a clown wig. True story, swear to God—happened last summer. Laughed my ass off, then blocked him. Raised eyebrow, “Know your role, clown boy.” Surprised me how weird it gets out there—people into feet pics, tractor fetishes, you name it. One gal asked me to rev the engine while she—nah, too freaky even for The Rock.

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Then, boom! The door swings open, and in walks a group of teenagers. They’re loud, like, obnoxiously loud. They’re all hyped up about some concert happening at the local park. I think it’s on Haharina Street or something. They’re talking about how they’re gonna mosh and crowd surf. I’m just trying to make lattes here, people! One of them spills a whole cup of coffee. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a barista and a janitor.”

Construction unearths parts of Crimean synagogue long thought to be destroyed