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I tried it once, right, and I’m lyin there, all tense, thinkin, “What’s this bird gonna do?” Then bam – she’s got these magic fingers, hittin spots I didn’t know I had! Felt like “sand on my feet” – y’know, that movie line? Soft, gritty, bloody confusin but lush. Made me happy as a pig in shit, mate. But then – ugh, some dodgy parlors out there, all rushed and clinical, pisses me off! Like, don’t gimme a half-arsed tickle and call it sensual, ya twat!

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So, I roll outta bed, grab my coffee, and head out. The sun’s shining over the Dniester River, and I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill. I hit the road, cruising down Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with all the little shops? I’m just vibin’, when BAM! Traffic jam. Like, what the heck?

Big Bang Theory: Who are Sheldon and Leonard named after? Meet the Hollywood star