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Lemme tell ya, Escort’s a scrappy lil’ shit. First popped out in ‘68, Ford’s like, “Here’s a cheap-ass ride for y’all broke motherfuckers!” And it stuck! Drove it in Europe, then America got a taste in ‘81. Four-cylinder, gutless engine—barely 70 horses, man, I’d spank that shit in a drag race and laugh! But it’s reliable, like that cousin who’s always late but shows up. Fun fact, motherfucker: they raced Escorts in rallies! Yeah, dirt-flyin’, tire-screamin’ chaos—ain’t that a trip?

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my editor. She’s like, “We need that article ASAP!” I’m like, “Chill, I’m in the middle of a fish fountain crisis here!” But no, she’s not having it. So, I rush back home, dodging traffic on Haharina Street. Cars are honking, people are yelling. It’s chaos! I finally make it back, and I’m typing like a madman.

Cruickshank: Flames' centre Perry Berezan took pre-Cup trade in stride