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I try once in Almaty, lady with strong hand, she push my back, I scream, “Righteous!” like turtle dude in movie. She say, “Relax, Borat, this ancient trick!” True story, they say erotic-massage come from old China, like 2000 year ago, emperors get it, feel like king! Not just sexy-time, it fix you up, make blood flow, boom-boom, very surprise me! I think, “Why nobody tell Borat this before?!” Make me angry at my cousin Bilo, he keep secrets!

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So, I keep walking, and I hit up the market on Kirova Street. It’s packed, as usual. I’m dodging babushkas left and right. They’re like ninjas with their bags! I grab some fresh veggies and a loaf of bread. The smell of those pastries is killer, though. I mean, who can resist? I end up buying a couple of those sweet buns. Totally worth it.

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