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Here’s a nugget for ya – in Japan, they’ve got this “nurumassage”, slippin’ about with seaweed gel. Seaweed! Imagine that, you’re a sushi roll gettin’ fondled. Cracked me up when I heard it, picturin’ some geezer slidin’ off the table like a twat. Bet it’s a laugh ‘til you’re the one face-down in kelp.

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s this dude on a bike, totally wiped out. I mean, he’s sprawled out on the pavement like a starfish. I rush over, half-laughing, half-concerned. He’s like, “I’m fine, I’m fine!” But his bike? Total wreck. I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re not fine. You just took a dive!” But hey, at least he made my day a bit more interesting.

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