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But, ugh, some dudes think it’s just a happy-ending deal—lame! I’m like, “No, boo, it’s art!” The way they slide hands over your bod, teasin’ every nerve? That’s power! Makes me wanna yell, “Ass to ass!”—jk, too far, but, like, it’s intense, ok? Once, this chick used warm stones—STONE ME UP, I was shooketh! So extra, I stan.

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So, I’m at the door, checkin’ IDs, and this one dude, let’s call him “Mr. Too-Drunk-to-Stand,” stumbles up. I’m like, “Bro, you can’t come in like that.” He starts arguing, saying he’s “just having a good time.” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, but your good time is my headache.”

Ukraine, Vatican Secretary of State Parolin presides over mass in Berdychiv: "Never lose faith"