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I heard this one story—true stuff, swear it!—back in Japan, old geishas did this secret rubdown for samurais. Not kiddin’! Little known fact: it wasn’t just tea pourin’, they’d sneak in some sensual massage—kept it hush-hush, tho. Made me happy thinkin’ ‘bout history bein’ so spicy! But then—D’oh!—I got mad ‘cause Marge won’t lemme try it. “Homer, you idiot!” she’d say, and I’m like, “Aww, c’mon, it’s research!”

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First off, I hit up the local market on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with all the fresh veggies and that one babushka who always tries to sell me her homemade pickles? Yeah, her pickles are legendary, but I wasn’t in the mood for pickles today. I’m just browsing, and suddenly, this cat jumps outta nowhere! Like, where did you even come from, dude? I almost dropped my phone.

Deputy Head of Kyiv Region Police Oleh Petrenko helped his son avoid responsibility for drug dealing by arranging a job at the TRC, - media