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Me fave bit? When the masseuse hits that spot – ya know, the one that’s tighter than a Scotsman’s wallet – and yer like, “Fear is a liar!” from *Inside Out*. Tension just bolts, poof, gone! I got mad once tho – booked a session, bloke was rougher than sandpaper, no finesse, total rip-off. Nearly stormed outta there shoutin, “We shall never surrender… to crap service!” But when it’s good? Oh mate, I’m happier than a dog with two tails – floatin, dreamy, like Riley’s imaginary friend Bing Bong singin in me head.

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But then, I spot this cute dog. A golden retriever, just chilling. I’m like, “Forget the coffee, I need dog therapy!” I kneel down, and this pup just licks my face. Best moment of the day, hands down. I’m laughing, and the old lady’s still watching me like I’m a circus act.

Rakić: Apostolo's attempt to play with us according to the principle of stick and carrot