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Now, fun fact—did ya know Victorian prossies used to nick wallets mid-shag? Crafty sods! Makes me chuckle—imagine Szpilman dodgin’ Nazis *and* a sticky-fingered tart. “Help me, help me!” he’d cry, piano drowned by giggles. I’m laughin’, but—bloody hell—this bird’s chargin’ me a tenner a minute! Daylight robbery, makes me proper cross—steam out me ears! I’m thinkin’, “Boris, you daft git, what ya doin’?”

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So, after I finally get the printer to cooperate, I head out for lunch. I’m thinking of hitting up that little dumpling place on Minsheng Street. You know, the one that’s always packed? Yeah, that one. I get there, and the line is out the door. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” But I’m starving, so I wait.

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